Growing Up in the Shadow of Perfection
For as long as I can remember, perfection was this goal I would hope to one day reach. I grew up believing that I needed to be the "good" daughter, the "good" older sister, the "good" student, the "good" friend etc. From my earliest memories, I was taught that being good meant I had to be perfect. Perfection was not just an expectation—it was a necessity.
It wasn’t until years later that I began to understand why perfectionism had such a hold on me. The environment I was raised in, toxified by alcoholism and codependency, set the stage for me to believe that being perfect was a means of survival. Perfection became my shield—a way to avoid the unpredictable storms of abuse and pain. If I could just be good enough, flawless enough, nothing would hurt me. I would be safe. Or so I thought.
Here’s the hard truth: perfectionism didn’t protect me. Instead, it harmed me in ways I couldn’t even recognize at the time. It wasn’t just the emotional pain of striving for an impossible standard, but also the way I began to erode my own self-worth. Bit by bit, I was learning to hate myself. And that self-hate was deceptive. It didn’t look like anger or rage at first—it was subtle, wearing the mask of self-discipline and high standards. When I received praise or compliments, I would dismiss them, thinking that I didn’t truly deserve the kind words. When I achieved a goal, I would quickly find something else to be dissatisfied with. My inner critic (my Ego) was relentless, always demanding more.
The Awakening:
Hearing the Words “Progress, Not Perfection”
The first time I heard the phrase, “Progress, Not Perfection,” it caught me completely off guard. It was July 2021, I was talking to a friend about how angry I was. I was angry that no matter how hard I was trying to be a "good" wife, daughter, sister, employee. It constantly felt that I was not doing enough. I needed everything and EVERYONE to be perfect in order for me to feel happy. Even the "little" wins in my life were full of mistakes and failures. They responded with "Cristal, you are doing it. We need to mess up to learn, it is all about Progress, Not Perfection." It was a revelation to hear this. I knew perfection was always going to be unobtainable, to hear it was about progress, that was new to me. What did it mean that life was about progress and not perfection? Could it really be true that I didn’t need to be perfect to be worthy, lovable, or successful?
The idea felt foreign, but liberating. Progress, not perfection—this was a spiritual lesson that would take time to integrate into my life. In fact, even trying to adopt this new mindset took progress. I wasn’t going to undo years of perfectionist conditioning overnight. Slowly, I began to work with this new way of thinking. Whenever I found myself being harsh or critical, I would remind myself of this powerful mantra: Progress, not perfection. Little by little, I began to notice a shift. The more I leaned into the concept of progress, the more I started to soften toward myself.
Don’t get me wrong—it wasn’t an easy or linear process. Learning to be kind to myself felt messy. It felt strange to let go of the idea that I needed to be perfect in order to be valuable. But every time I embraced progress instead of perfection, I took another step on my healing journey.
Progress on My Path of Healing
Perfection, I have learned, is an illusion—an impossible task. In my life I have seen perfection as a prison. A prison of the mind that has kept me trapped in cycles of self-criticism, judgment, and fear. A prison guarded by my Ego. The more I strived for perfection, the further away I felt from the peace and love already within in me.
What I’ve come to realize on my spiritual healing journey is that life is meant to be beautifully imperfect. I am meant to be messy. I am meant to make mistakes, to fall down, and to get back up again. Perfectionism had prevented me from embracing the richness of these experiences. It had kept me stuck in a loop of dissatisfaction and disconnection from my true authentic self, my Inner Comadre. When I started to choose progress over perfection, I was making space for grace. I began to see the value in my struggles and setbacks, recognizing them as important parts of my growth. I become more compassionate with myself and others, understanding that healing wasn’t about achieving some ideal version of myself—it was about the small, meaningful steps I was taking along the way.
As I began to embrace the concept of progress, I found more freedom to show up authentically. I no longer needed to hide my quirks or imperfections. I didn’t have to shrink myself to fit into some unrealistic mold. Instead, I could be fully myself—messy, loud, quirky, loving, and perfectly imperfect.
The Transformation of Self-Acceptance
Learning to let go of perfection has been and continues to be one of the greatest spiritual lessons of my life. It hasn’t just changed the way I relate to myself—it’s transformed the way I interact with the world. When I was trapped in perfectionism, I was constantly looking for external validation. I needed others to tell me I was good enough, smart enough, successful enough. But no amount of validation could ever fill the void created by my own self-judgment. By shifting my focus to progress, I started to cultivate a deeper sense of self-acceptance. I began to recognize that my worth wasn’t dependent on my achievements or the approval of others. My worth was inherent, simply because I am.
This shift in mindset has allowed me to embrace life more fully. I am no longer bound by the rigid expectations of perfectionism. Instead, I can flow with the natural rhythm of life, trusting that each step I take is bringing me closer to my true self; my Inner Comadre.
Embracing the Messiness of Life
Today, I stand in my truth with more confidence than ever before. I no longer seek perfection, and I no longer shrink in the face of my imperfections. Instead, I embrace all of who I am—the messiness, the quirks, the strengths, the weaknesses, the loudness, the silence. I have learned to celebrate my progress, no matter how small. Each step forward is a victory, and each setback is a lesson. I have come to understand that life isn’t about reaching some final destination of “perfect.” It’s about showing up authentically, day after day, and making progress on this beautiful, winding journey of growth.
So if you, too, are struggling with perfectionism, I want you to know that it’s okay to let go. It’s okay to be imperfect. It’s okay to make mistakes. Your journey is valuable, not because of how perfect you are, but because of the progress you’re making. Each small step you take toward healing and self-acceptance is a step worth celebrating.
A Mantra for the Journey
As I reflect on my own journey, I feel immense gratitude for the lesson of Progress, Not Perfection. It has given me the freedom to live more authentically, to love myself more deeply, and to embrace the fullness of life with all its twists and turns. So, if you take anything from this, let it be this mantra: Progress, not perfection. Let it be a gentle reminder that you are enough, exactly as you are. You don’t need to have it all figured out. You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to keep moving forward, one step at a time.
You are growing! You are healing! You are transforming!
And that, my beautiful Familia, is progress.
I am sending you so much Fire & Butterflies! And don't forget, Love Your Now!
Loving My Now,
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